Conflicted...

I find myself conflicted lately. I love my boys and would not trade them for anything in the world, but I find myself worrying what type of future is in store for them. I love them with all my heart and will do anything for them, however, as with every other middle class family in America there are financial and time constraints. Will they be able to make a living? Have a family? Children? Will they learn to love each other and always be there for each other? If something was to happen to me would they know that I loved them deeply? It is hard for me to imagine not being their in my children's lives but lately I wonder how long I am going to be able to participate in it. I am in the age bracket of when colon cancer strikes my family. Yes, I do get check ups for that, but it all depends on the doctor. Did he take his time and thoroughly analyze everything? Only he would know but my life rests in his hands. Will my children have to live in fear of this, as well? How do you go about explaining it to them? I feel that much is on my mind and none of it is answerable. Only time will tell, until them I plan on loving them and cherishing every moment with them and hopefully getting some sleep at night (lord knows I could use it).